Why Do Men Cheat?


Cheating might be considered a dirty word when it comes to marriages, but you cannot deny that it is a common one. As women, we might try to avoid marrying partners whom we think would give in to temptation.

However, there is still no guarantee for monogamy — and there is no betrayal greater than a woman finding out that their husbands are cheating on them. This is not to say that women do not cheat; however, men truly seem to own the cheating arena and we often wonder why — why do men do it?

In this article, we explore some grass-root reasons why infidelity comes more than often from men to answer that universal question for you.

Why do men cheat? Immaturity

Therapists and psychologists often cite immaturity as being one of the biggest reasons why men cheat. Some psychologists note that while over the past years they have heard some really creative reasons given by cheaters to explain their actions, most of these justifications are actually just masked in denial. To decipher the real reason, therapists have noticed, that men with little to no background in terms of long-term relationships have limited ability to understand the consequences of behaviors as distasteful as cheating.

Given this severe lack or even absence of maturity in the arena of adult-relationships, a man is unable to understand the dire consequences that his actions will have concerning his wife, often believing rather foolishly that there can be room for fluidity in terms of his responsibility to remain faithful.


Why do men cheat? Resentment

Another reason that relationship coaches often cite is resentment. This happens to be one of the greatest emotional triggers in terms of cheating. Specifically, if there are feelings of neglect, infidelity becomes an excuse for men to regain their wives’ attention. 

However, this is not to justify the action because if an adult man is feeling neglected, it is his responsibility to have that communicated to his wife clearly. This is also coupled with research proving that some men do have an excessive need for attention or are narcissists.

Why do men cheat? The Primary Triggers

It is also believed that while each man may have a different reason to give for his infidelity, instances of cheating are usually attributed to any of these major individual factors of risk;

  1. Gender: Men are far more likely to indulge in infidelity.
  2. Personality: Men who have a less conscientious or agreeable personality are far more likely to cheat as compared to people who are high on these personality traits.
  3. Religious and political orientations: Men with more rigid moral values are unlikely to indulge in cheating in most cases if not all.

Why do men cheat? Validation Marriage

and family therapists suggest “validation vulnerability” as being one of the primary reasons for the infidelity of married men. Therapists explain that in an attempt to satisfy their “hunger for attention,” these men look beyond their relationship to engage themselves in affairs in the workplace or any other place where the admiration or appreciation they are seeking is more readily available for them. However, women must remember that if their husband’s fragile ego needs constant stroking, his resulting behavior is only his responsibility, and women are not to be blamed in any case.

Why do men cheat? Inability to Self-Express

Other reasons that therapists cite for men’s infidelity include the feelings of being limited in their self-expression within a marriage. In case this happens, the man in question may want to look beyond their existing relationship to find a connection which allows them the freedom to express themselves in any way they want, especially in ways they cannot do with their wife.

Self-expression happens to be primary when we talk about communication in relationships.


Why do men cheat? The lure of “Forbidden Fruit.”

Sex coaches who examine why men cheat point out that the affairs men have are “hardly ever about sexual gratification” but have more to do with desire — specifically, desires for whatever these men do not have.

Why do men cheat? Self-gratification

As per several authors who write about the subject, the number one reason for men cheating is their own inflated need for self-gratification. For these men, their main concern is ‘me, me, me,’ and while pursuing that path, they let go of the bigger picture in exchange for momentary gains. 

Why do men cheat? Disappointment

Apart from therapists, legal professionals specializing in divorce note that disappointment is one of the primary causes of infidelity in men. Some men find that there is a lack or absence of excitement in their long-term relationships, and to combat that, they engage in affairs to alternate the confrontation they should have with their wives in terms of expressing their disappointment.

Why do men cheat? Boredom

There is no doubt that the chances of men cheating are there all year round, but therapists agree that infidelity statistics spike rapidly during the holidays. While some may say that during festive times of the year, the family is the most crucial for all men, this is not the case always. In fact, it often happens that men find themselves suddenly overwhelmed by the season and underwhelmed by their wives so much so that their spouses end up in the back seat while these men look for a more exciting connection.

Why do men cheat? Financial Reasons

If it is not apparent yet, when we speak of cheating, there is more to it than you can see on the surface. One reason has less connection with intimacy and a much greater connection with financial footings. Here, a gap in wages between the husband and his wife might bring out several insecurities in the man causing him to look for equal footings in his marriage. While this is closely related to the notion of resentment, it goes even further, and it identifies men to be on the end of the gender spectrum where they are much more likely to take their lesser-earnings as a grudge against their partner.

Why do men cheat? Novelty and anonymity

For several men, there is something inexplicably exciting about new encounters and all of the unknowns which come as part of the package. Clinical psychologists agree where they say that for some men, “anonymity offers opportunity.” This idea can be as simple as men letting themselves feel the excitement of a fresh encounter and involving themselves with that experience in a manner that breaks the boundaries of acceptable behavior for those in committed relationships.

Why do men cheat? Disconnection

A video was filmed in the MindBodyGreen summit, where couples’ therapist Sue Johnson while speaking on the subject, narrowed down a few primary reasons as to why men cheat. At the core, she said cheating was more aptly a symptom than causation of something. Specifically, she said, it was a symptom of the disability men feel in connecting with their spouses instead of an action rooted purely in lust. As a consequence of the following disconnection, even the simple moments of connection that the man feels with another woman will become his source of replenishment for what he feels he is missing at home.


Why do men cheat? Emotional Needs

Spiritual coaches often say that despite men’s desire to attain independence; their marriages often become a logical source for emotional needs that men want to be satisfied. Therefore, men cheat because they feel their emotional needs are not being fulfilled as adequately as they expect.

Why do men cheat? Issues in Communication

Some marriage therapists claim that the deed of cheating cannot be attributed to only one-dimensional factors and that it follows a combination of several problems which trigger issues in the communication between husband and wife. This creates an atmosphere where the only quick fix for feeling unheard is to cheat.